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The Grace Filled Home |
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The Grace- Filled
Home Why Relationships Get
Messy
Gen. 2
&3 In any strained
relationship, ask, “How would things have to be DIFFERENT in order to
make me HAPPY?” ·
How would you answer IF THE OTHER PERSON DOES NOT
CHANGE? We often make a
mistake in looking for other’s BEHAVIOR as the SOURCE for your HAPPINESS. ·
We will use MANIPULATION. ·
We will use COMPARING. Why can’t you be like
your brother? ·
We will make “HELPFUL SUGGESTIONS.” “You’re
not going to wear those socks with that suit, are you?” 1. God’s
Plan: Chapter 2 ·
ONE SUBSTANCE vs. 23- That is COEQUALS! ·
LEAVE & CLEAVE vs 24- Key word LEAVE- in-law
interruptions are detrimental. ·
ONE FLESH vs. 24- no need to CHANGE THE
OTHER. 2. God’s Plan
Gets SIDETRACKED: Chapter 3 ·
According to the serpent CONTROL was better than DEPENANCE. ·
Adam & Eve became AFRAID & HID in relation
to God. ·
In relation to others, BLAME & CONDEMNATION. 3. The
Consequence: ·
Woman- 3:16- Change in DESIRE & POSSITION. ·
Man – 3:19- Change in FOCUS. The C.U.R.S.E. C = CONTROLING U = UNFORGIVING R = REACTIVE S = SHAMING E = EGO-DRIVEN God has given us FREEDOM from
the curse, not more SPIRITUAL WAYS OF DOMINATING. The Grace-filled
Home How Do You Handle
Correction?
1 Sam. 12 God called David A
MAN AFTER GOD’S OWN HEART… even after FAILURE. Remember: GRACE
comes after REPENTANCE. And REPAIR comes from INTENTIONAL
WORK. Last week we DIAGNOSED
the CURSE-FILLED life, now we will look at the SYMPTOMS. The Curse-filled
life leaves us T.I.R.E.D. T= TRAPPED- I = INDICTED- R = RESPONSIBLE E = EXPOSED D = DEFENSIVE Symptoms that leave
us T.I.R.E.D. include: PERSUE / WITHDRAW relationship- CODEPENDANCY – That is
being addicted to the PERFORMANCE of another person in a relationship.
It is a PERFORMANCE/REWARD system of relationships. Acceptable
forms of ADULTERY- TV WATCH; WORK; ACTIVITIES-
all are less PAINFUL alternatives than working on a relationship that
you NEVER FEEL GOOD ENOUGH. STAYING while LEAVING-
God is no more honored in a MISERABLE MARRIAGE than He is with
divorce. Most
damaging “IDOLITRY” of all- relying on the performance of CHILREN
as their source of MEANING AND PURPOSE. All
are forms of IDOLITRY- getting our needs met by a HUMAN source
instead of God. If not remedied, we
will RECYCLE this cycle in all RELATIONSHIPS. Bibliography: ·
Bill & Anabel Gillham, He Said She Said.
Eugene, OR: Harvest House Publishers, 1997. ·
Jeff VanVonderen, Families Where Grace Is In Place.
Minneapolis, MN: Bethany House Publishers, 1992. ·
Everett Worthington, Christian Marital Counseling: 8
Approaches to Helping Couples. Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 1996. ·
James Dobson, The New Strong-Willed Child.
Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, 2004. The Grace-Filled
Home Dealing With The Cures of Strong
Will
1 Sam. 2-3 Eli was the HIGH
PRIEST and his sons were in training to be the same. (Lev. 8) But,
his son’s did not have a HEART FOR GOD. ·
They did things THEIR WAY. 2:16 ·
The thought the RULES DID NOT APPLY TO THEM. 2:22 Notice Eli’s
punishment- for KNOWINGLY FAILING TO RESTRAIN them. It does not
say he was responsible for their behavior!
How can we keep
from repeating Eli’s mistakes & have more peace in the home? 1.
The most common mistake- YELLING & ANGER. This is the most
common REACTION for adults (and least effective). It causes more
DEFIANT behavior. Sarcasm is counter productive! ·
SERENITY & CONFIDENCE are part of the
aura that creates RESPECT. (Example: A Judge) 2.
SAYING WITHOUT MEANING- I starts with PHONY anger &
escalates until THREATS are made- both knowing it will not
happen. (Example: Sitting on the couch, “Kids get ready for bed!”
and they don’t move.) ·
Take ACTION first and save anger & grief. 3.
WHO IS RAISING OUR CHILDREN- Michael Medved, “There has bee an
shift from a supportive culture…to a DELIBERATELY ASSULTIVE culture. ·
Remove questionable things from their rooms (i.e.
computers, cable tv, etc.) into public areas. 4.
Choice of PUNISHMENT- Which is the worst evil: SPANKING,
HARRASSING, SCREAMING, or THREATENING? ·
The goal is to CORRECT not tear-down their FUTURE! Other things to
try: Avoid BOREDOM EAT TOGETHER- the goal is to
communicate beyond “I DONNO” Continue to LET
GO as they get older Remember HORMONES-
you were there too! Give the gifts that
keep on giving- CHRIST, DIGNITY, & RESPECT NEVER discuss the issue DURING
THE ISSUE! The Grace-Filled
Home Your Role In Changing Relationships
Eph. 5: 17-28 The context of this chapter is IN
THE SPIRIT! The Curse
The Plan
The key to all relationships: BEING
SUBJECT (submissive) does not mean for some one to RULE OVER you,
but you choosing to PLACE YOURSELF UNDER someone. All people have the
same basic needs: SIGNIFICANCE, have our NEEDS MET, view
ourselves as LOVED, placing FAITH in something. There are two ways
of doing it: Shame Based
Relationships
Grace Based Relationships 1. OUT- LOUD
shaming
Out-loud
AFFIRMING 2.
PERFORMANCE
PEOPLE ORIENTED 3. UNSPOKEN
RULES
VERBAL
EXPECTATIONS 4. Speaking
in
CODES
BE CLEAR
& STRAIGHT 5. BOSSING
Children
ENJOYING
Children 6. FAULT
& BLAME
RESPONSIBILITY & ACCOUNTABILITY 7. Thinking
DEFENSIVELY
THINKING
& LEARNING 8. Weak on
“HEART
SKILLS”
FEELINGS
are VALID The 22:6 Promise (Proverbs)- “Train
up a child in the way they should go and when they are old they will not
depart from it.” The Grace-Filled
Home The Lord of the Ring
Romans 7:13-25 The ring is the
imaginary circle around ourselves that we declare ourselves GOD (OR RULER)
of. We make our own RULES in order to get our NEEDS MET.
God calls this SIN. In chapters 5-8 in
Romans the word sin is translated 41 times: 1 time as a VERB;
and 40 times as a NOUN! It is PERSONIFIED as a
counterfeit HOLY SPIRIT. How we live that
out in our relationships: 1. DREAMS
vs. REALITY- ·
He dreams of PHYSICAL fulfillment. ·
She dreams of EMOTIONAL acceptance. ·
He dreams of being NEEDED for MAN- TASKS. ·
She dreams of FLOWERS at the door. 2. When the RING
rules over GOD’S RULES- ·
Example: Exchanging roles (Eph. 5). The woman
becomes the AUTHORITY figure and the man is SUBMISSIVE. ·
With Satan’s help the results are predictable- EFEMINATE
males, PASSIVITY, or HYPER-MASCULINITY. ·
Other examples are PERFECTIONISM, PLEASING, LOSS OF
CONTROL (murdering with our mouth) Breaking the
Cycle: A RENEWED MIND! Phil. 3:4-7 Salvation is the
beginning of the DEPROGRAMING of the SIN IN OUR LIFE.
Baptism doesn’t cure HABITS OF SIN. (Rom 7:15) How to give up
being the “Lord of the Ring” (Breaking the CONTROLING SIN CYCLE):
Galatians 2:20 We no longer live under sin’s AUTHORITY! |
